I was a baby who cried because I was tired but didn't want to go to sleep.

...And my parents brainwashed me to fix that, but that's a story for another day. (Or you can ask Ryan about my "off" button.)

So I finished another book today, it's called "The Voice" and it's about as stereotypically teen-novel-ish as you can possibly get. And yet somehow I kept reading it even thought there wasn't even ONE MENTION of dragons and only MINIMAL amounts of magic. Cray.

Basic premise of the book is there's this girl, I can't remember her name so let's call her Chairy. So Chairy has this creepy uncle, and one day he kidnaps her and locks her in a cabin for a few months or something. During this time, Chairy starts hearing A VOICE. In her head.

WHOA.

It's a nice voice though, it talks to her and makes friends with her and eventually it actually helps her get rescued. But of course (this is a teen novel after all, and the protagonist must be as TORMENTED AS POSSIBLE) Chairy is traumatized and tries to kill herself like five times or something.

So her mom got scared and said "That's it, you're moving in with your aunt in Bel Air" except it wasn't Bel Air it was some shithole like California or Scandinavia or wherever it is blonde people come from. So Chairy moves in with her aunt and meets her new neighbors: twin brothers (HOT BROTHERS OF COURSE) who look nothing alike for some reason. One of them is really nice and friendly, and the other one's like the biggest emo bitch in the universe and never talks to anybody. I like the emo one. He acts like young Snape.

So a lot of teenage drama goes down cause Chairy has to start at a new school and her creepy uncle keeps calling her to try and make her change her testimony in court or whatever and SPOILER ALERT remember that deeply mysterious VOICE that kept talking to her when she was kidnapped? THE OWNER OF THE TELEPATHIC VOICE IS CLOSER THAN ANYONE GUESSES except for anyone who read the first three chapters because let's face it, suspense is not the author's strong point.

FINAL VERDICT

It's not my usual genre obviously, I like things where people die by swords and wear clothes made out of metal and ride horses and shit like that. HOWEVER I did not hate this book, I found it to be thoroughly average. It earned a few bonus points for throwing in a young Snape, but the lack of any real plot twists annoyed me. Points earned for having multiple non-graphic rape/suicide references. Points lost for the cliché "twin brothers love interest" act.

And... that's about it. I promise there'll be more interesting shenanigans later this week.

If you're too lazy to read my expertly crafted review, here's a drawing I made summarizing the entire book.

Oh MS Paint, how I love you.